Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Where is My Identity?

I've never stayed at a hospital. But for my annual cold, I'm never sick. I am the healthy guy. And, what I'm learning these days is that I need to be the healthy guy. I need to be the guy that climbs mountains, never gets sick, skiis all day, easily swims a mile, and eats whatever he wants and keeps the same weight as when he was 35.

Uh oh. Red flag.

When someone says to me that they need something more than food, air, or water, the flags go up. Because food, air, and water are needs. Most everything else is a want. But, when we need something, we will often do loopy things to either prove to the world that we have it (even if we don't), or defend ourselves in not having it, or whatever it takes to assuage some fear that is embedded in not being whatever it is we are needing.


As I've wandered down the medical pathway these past few months, my body is telling me that all is not well. My persona of "healthy guy" is being challenged. And, I don't like that. So, I get mad. And I eat. And I politely reject the care and concern of others. And I stay in my cave and only do what absolutely must be done. What drama!

So, what to do? Breathe. And, breathe again. And ask myself...

"Who am I if I'm not the healthy guy?"

Pause. Breathe.

I'm me. And that's plenty enough.