When someone tells me what they are "not"... there is a very good chance that it is, in fact, exactly what they are. This almost always comes up in conversations around anger.
What is it about our polite society that says "anger is bad?" I'll concede that hitting someone over the head with a baseball bat while in a state of rage is bad. But, all anger? Not in my world.
When I feel angry and I say that I am not angry, I am lying to myself. I am disconnecting from my truth and beginning to create a made-up fantasy story of life as I want it to be. What a waste of energy! When I am mad... it's okay to FEEL MAD!
And the irritating thing to me is this. When someone tells me they are not mad... and they are... I get mad!!! Damn you!!!
"I'm not mad. I'm just frustrated." Ha! What's the difference between frustration and anger? NOTHING! Any number of words we use all fall into the primary emotion bucket labeled "Anger"... frustrated, irritated, dissappointed, pissed, crossed, de-valued, violated... all point to anger. So kids... when we're angry, express it as anger. "I feel angry!"
AND... keep the baseball bats in the closet. Protect yourself and your loved ones from leaking anger. Go hit a tree. Talk it out with a trusted friend. Go to the batting cages. Try and push that brick wall three feet south. Anything to release some energy so that we can talk about the anger, as opposed to being driven by it.