A friend came to me after his 14 year old son asked him… “Dad, am I gay?” To which I asked, "What do you think "being gay" means to your son?"
"Well, I don't really know, now that you ask it that way," said my friend.
So, he went back to his son and asked him “What does it mean to be gay?” to which I learned later the son answered… “I don’t really know. Just some guys said that I was gay because I don’t do all the things they do.” My friend took a deep breath, and realized that the meaning his son was attaching to being gay was very different from the meaning he was attaching.
Which, I find quite often to be the case. What I make something mean and what you make something mean aren’t necessarily the same thing. So, before jumping to conclusions, it’s almost always a good idea to ask… “What do you mean by that?”